With the overhaul of Mortal Muses and the addition of Film Friday, I knew this day was coming. It was inevitable that I’d have to revisit my life with 35mm film, and I was secretly thrilled to avoid this post for weeks…until now.
As a digital holdout, you’d think I’d be excited about the growing popularity of the analog world. After all, I’ve inherited every film camera left in the family, and I’ve been literally sitting on a stash of expired film stored under our bed for years. Don’t get me wrong, I love my photo albums and reliving those memories, but do I really want to go back there? Perhaps film and its printed image has seen such an explosion because it pulls on our emotional heart-strings taking us deeper into memories of childhood, or by making us nostalgic for the origins of our craft. There’s a stunning, intense quality to film that resonates with me, like these images from our flickr group:
1. three amigos, 2. ever since, 3. it comes and goes in waves
If you grew up in the digital era or began exploring photography at a later age, film must seem retro and cool, a declaration of a true love for this medium by going further and exploring its roots. You might even yearn for some time in a dark room…but that’s a whole other post on its own. Is this just a fad? Are we going through a stage where in order to proclaim ourselves true photographers we have to master film on top of photoshop and lightroom too?
1. as the summer days begin to wane, 2. every moment before this one depends on this one, 3. pick your seat
So with all this in mind, not to mention a post to write, I decided to shoot my first roll of film in almost seven years. First order of business, cameras. I broke out my old EOS Canon Rebel S II (1993) and my sister’s old Canon EOS 650 (1987). After purchasing batteries and working out the basics to shoot manually with each camera, it was time to load the film. Canon Rebel with Kodak Max 800: check! It immediately rewinds the film so that you shoot backwards on the roll. Piece of cake! Canon 650…oops! Being in Rebel mode, and not reading any directions, I accidentally pushed the early rewind button and wasted a roll of 800…ouch, so I then loaded a roll of Kodak Max 200.
I’ll admit it, when I first got started, I felt a thrill with each shot loving the sound the camera made while moving from fame to frame. I began with the Rebel in my backyard, shooting some of my favorite subjects to see how they’d appear on film. Each time I accidentally hit the shutter release button by pushing too hard while recomposing my image, I mentally cursed at another wasted shot.
I’d forgotten the deliberate nature of film. How each frame counts. How you really have to think before pressing that button. How quickly the roll can end. Why hadn’t I bought 36-exposure film instead of 24?
Sadly, I’d forgotten the misfortunate 2004 canoe tipping incident in which the Rebel had been submerged (yet again) and even after repairs was never quite the same. Despite my high expectations, I can only guess the results you see above and below come from a combination of damage to the camera with expired film, frustrating to my digitally trained eye.
Next up, my sister’s beloved EOS Canon 650. Now this one was a little tricky. Canon launched this camera as its 50th Anniversary camera in 1987 and was the first in the EOS series to support autofocus lenses. Clearly this camera was intended for mostly A, P, AV or TV shooting, as the match-needle, manual metering used is really tricky. After you set your shutter speed, you must hold down a manual aperture set button on the underside of the lens area to change the aperture which remains the same while looking for a + and – sign simultaneously shown with double “o”s signally a proper exposure. There’s more, but it’s so confusing to clarify, I won’t bother you with the full explanation. I quickly switched to AV mode and got the following, more hopeful, results. Incidentally, Canon discontinued the EOS 650 after only two years of sales, and I can only think it must have had something to do with the awkward metering system.
To be completely honest, I’ve had a hidden desire to delve into my analog side for years. I’ve wanted to explore polaroid and medium format, not to mention have my own hassie, but its the expense of film and developing that has stopped me in my tracks. “Do I really want to go there?” I’ve asked myself. For the cost of all that film, batteries and developing, I could be saving to buy that “L” series lens I could use for my business. My high hopes for revisiting film were pretty quickly dashed when I saw my results.
What had gone wrong? Why did everything look washed out? Was it the expired film? Or maybe the drugstore developing? My damaged camera? For some answers, I sought expert advice: I sent Cara a text with a picture of the prints from the first roll, and she responded with a call. “Don’t do it, she said. It’s not too late for you like it is for me. This expensive habit that takes over…you can avoid it. Turn back now while you still can!” She confirmed all my suspicions that revisiting film was a disaster in the making, a waste of time and money. She might have been talking about an incurable addiction in the quest for beauty, but I was thinking along the lines of been there, done that, don’t need to return.
“Phew, I thought, I dodged a bullet there!”
Until a few days later when I sent her a message inquiring about the color cast in my second roll, and got this reply:
looks like expired film to me. kind of awesome.
After looking through my prints again, I thought to myself, “you know, she’s kind of right” taking me all the way back to the beginning again.
Holly ~ Soupatraveler
All the things we put ourselves through in the quest for beauty… Thanks for sharing your journey Holly, and best of luck with the next part of it, wherever it takes you.
If you ask me, there is no “must” about film; if it *clicks* with you at this stage, then that’s great, and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
Holly, I adore all your pictures and to me I just love that even if not perfect, it is what it is, and they have an effect and mystic on their own. Digital brought me back to photography…but when I find the time (far few and between) I take the time for film, a bit blindly you would say…thanks for sharing your journey and honesty of it.
Holly, this post is just great! Sure, not everything turned out great but that’s what happens in the world of digital too and it’s then that we hit delete.
That shot of Maj’s feet is the one that sings to me the most…there is no way you could have got that texture with digital. Maybe you could just try one more roll before you call it quits…
hehe love it. yeah i said “turn back now while you still can!” but I do love the yellow flowers and shots of Maj so much!
i think a lot of our readers will enjoy and learn so much from your perspective here. great post.
I like the dreamy quality to these photos and think they are great! Personally, I think you are in trouble here…in the best way 🙂
Wonderful article, Holly!
Holly this is great. I’m sooo happy that you dug out your film and old cameras. I personally love that first fence shot. Dreamy. And the whole time I was thinking just like Cara, kind of awesome!
Fantastic lady!!
Beautifully written Holly. Quite frankly I’m enanmoured with these shots and I have a feeling we haven’t heard the end if this story quite yet❤
Oh man, film is my addiction. There is just some quality that I think you picked up on with film that makes it so special. Digital is great and user friendly, but the time and effort that you put into using film makes the pictures seem that much more important. I shoot with an old Zenit TTL I picked up in Goodwill and it has been a constant companion through the past couple of years. I really like the hazy look of your pics.
~Jennifer
Thank you Jennifer! I appreciate your words and am so glad you like the haze! It’s looking better to me as time goes on 🙂
This is a terrific post Holly. I always love your total truths in your words, and I always take away something from them. We are always our own worst critic initially. Some of my polas are left on the office desk until days or weeks later when I forget the “idea” that I had in my head of what I was trying to create. After I have forgotten about those ideations, I go back and look at the photos and I see what was captured and that’s all. These photos of yours are wonderful. All the dreamy light and silhouettes and bokeh, what we all are always chasing in film. Thanks for your words, Happy Friday!
Yes!!! I do this all the time too, mostly with my mobile work, but my DSLR work too. I’ll work on something, then convince myself (for some reason) that its not quite there. then a few days/weeks later post it and think, what was my problem?!! Thank you for these words 🙂
Oh Lovely! I do like the dreamy quality of your film pics! The best part about film photography is the anticipation…waiting for that film to be developed and picked up…
I haven’t gotten out my old Pentax in a long time…for the same reasons that you have been holding off…can’t afford to get hooked again!
i struggle all the time. i am afraid of my hassy. i seem to take so many frames that are all bleh. i spend faaaaar too much money. and i often think i have absolutely no talent. but then i am addicted. and the sun comes out and i think “i just have to try again.” my buddy the canon 3 is seemingly inseparable from me and i have dared to carry around honor the hassy this week. i think i am hooked. and it ain’t so bad. i love your work, all of it!!!!! and i know if you linger too long with these guys you will be in for good!!! xxxooo
Holly, love the honesty of your post and the soft dreamy charm of many of these captures. I got involved in photography within the last two + years so learning the technical aspects of digital work has kept me very busy! The cost of film and developing is pretty off-putting to me – but my husband found me a Spectra so I am going to play with it a bit. The dreamy quality and immediacy of Polaroids appeals to me. We’ll see what I say if my images all look like…. well, crap.
P.S. This is sacrilegious to film lovers but, I read a post once where the woman showed how to duplicate the look of film by de-saturating, de-focusing, adding grain, etc. She mimicked the look quite successfully. Yep indeedy, very sacrilegious!
Thanks Anna! I know, i’m torn by loving the look of film, but not being sure about the investment of time and money…but i’m beyond curious. I’ll look forward to hearing about what you think when you get that Spectra going. You could always check out VSCO who have the dreamiest presets/actions that all echo film!
Holly, I love this post! I love how willing you are to put yourself out there and show us all your experiments (both here with film and with the time-lapse the other week). That spirit of collaboriation is one of the reasons I’m so grateful to be your friend. Also, dude, these shots have “the thing”. I’m totally with Kirstin on the one of Maj’s feet and with Audrey on that first fence shot. I have a feeling that film is going to grab hold of you again and not let go!
You better bring film on your road trip sisah.
I have two words.
NO
EDITING.
*poof* your done.
loved to see your experiment unfold on the page, awesome share!
Oh, I loved this post. It was great to follow the first few steps of this journey. Thank you for using one of my shots… I am so honored!
Love this post, Holly. Gorgeous shots–love the dreaminess and that fence shot with the bokeh is amazing. Film rocks. Don’t hide from it. xoxo
my boyfriend & i have operated a professional photo lab for a jillion years. we have cameras scattered about, cameras they no longer make film for (100 foot rolls of 70mm film). i find 120 & 220 backs for other cameras when i’m looking for something else. there may be a 35mm camera somewhere, but i doubt it. i even have an old film retouching machine.
i would never ever go back to film. ever. but that said, i will mention the change we’ve seen in photographers’ habits – shooting 600 shots for a wedding instead of 100, and letting go of very few. the “cheapness” of digital has equaled less paying attention by many people. not all, but many.
again, all that said, i love digital (i didn’t expect to) and i would never go back to film. i have been there, done that, as they say. and i am constantly amazed/impressed with what i see from the people who DO pay attention.
but what i really think is that it makes no difference. it’s just a tool to get you where you’re going.
🙂
I was wondering if and when you’d bite with film. I totally understand why you waited a while, and I get Cara’s, “NO turn back while you still can” comment too.
But I’ve seen so many photos of Maj’s feet over the years, and this one above, well, it’s got a special somethin’ somethin’ that made me sit with it a little while.
Great post. Not everything is for everybody but I have to say, I love these. Then I do tend to love film a little more than digital these days. To me it just has that extra something digital is missing, perhaps it is its very lack of perfection every time that appeals most to me.