“I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.” — Dawna Markova
A few weeks ago I awoke and looked out my bedroom window to find the flowering tree next to my building had shed all of its tiny pink petals creating a thick pink carpet along the walk and stairway. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. I immediately thought how I wanted to grab my camera and take some self-portraits surrounded by this beautiful backdrop of nature. But my next thought was that of “fear”–what if the neighbors saw me? (there are a couple hundred other apartment windows looking down on this particular spot)…what if someone asked what I was doing?…what would they think of me rolling around in flower petals taking pictures of myself?
I’ve often had to fight this inner battle–the one where you constantly question yourself and wonder what other people will think of your actions. I hate that battle. I’m tired of it. So on that day I decided to quell my questioning mind and just do it.
And while I did see one neighbor looking out her window and another stopped to remark at how lovely the flowers looked, I didn’t let it get to me. I overcame the fear.
And I’m hoping to make this a trend. I was on the beach recently and again conquered my inner voices, taking several self-portraits…lying in the sand, standing by the water…running back and forth from the tripod, twirling and spinning with abandon. And yes, people were watching me. Some walked on by, some stopped momentarily, and one young girl even snapped her own photo of me (she tried to be sneaky about it, but I know all the tricks!). But no one laughed or pointed or bothered to ask me what I was doing. Because in the end it doesn’t matter, people really don’t care, no matter how that voice inside my head tries to convince me otherwise. In the end we just have to do what makes us happy. Otherwise, it’s just going to pass us by.
Have you conquered any fears (photography related, or otherwise) lately?
~Christy | Urban Muser
very often, almost always i have this kind of dialoque in my head – what other people would think about me taking photo there and then and in this way. you are so right, it really shouldn’t be such an issue, at the end, nobody cares, at least not so much as we fear. I try to stop this battle in my mind, and it gets better and better, but still, long wya to go..
Kristina, I agree we need to continue to fight this battle in our minds! Thank you for your words.
Oh yes, that constant fear of the opinion of all those around us. It’s the same voice that starts to giggle a little when I say out loud: “I am an artist”, the voice that whispers “are you sure you are creative/good/special/inspired enough to deserve that title?”
It’s so silly. We are our own worst critiques and the bad thing about it is that these critiques don’t build us up, but stand in our way if we let them.
Good for you that you rolled around those petals. It must have felt liberating, didn’t it? And you deserve it so. Your work is wonderful.
And maybe people don’t care. Or maybe some do. In a good or in a bad way. It shouldn’t really matter, should it? The only one we should be able to convince is ourselves.
Karin, here’s to working on not being our own worst critics! Thanks for taking the time to comment 🙂
These are beautiful and so glad you went out of your comfort to snap them…
Thank you Gabriela!
Oh man, Christy I so completely relate to this. Like you, when I’ve pushed through the fear and taken the photos I’ve found that people don’t much care (or at least my worst fears of shame and ridicule have not come to pass). Even so, with positive experiences under my belt I have to push myself past the fear every single time. I’m so glad that you did in these instances. The photos are stunning.
Deb, I don’t know why we are so convinced that others really care what we are doing when we’re out there shooting! Thanks for sharing that you feel the same way 🙂
Thank you so much for this post. I am EXACTLY the same way! LOL! I am always afraid of what someone is going to say or think about my taking a photo of whatever the subject may be. I’m glad you stepped out of your fear and shared your beautiful photos with us.
Good to know I’m not alone Linda. Let’s make a deal to just stay out there and keep shooting what’s in our hearts!
these are wonderful. I especially love that last one.
I do get self conscious. now more when I’m with my kids. nervous more about being that quirky mom. but hey, quirky is the new cool, right? 🙂
Amy, quirky is definitely the new cool!
I recently went to Istanbul for work and had a single precious day to play tourist before I went home. I was wandering around the old part of the city and was too bashful, too afraid, too self-conscious of “not being a REAL photographer” to bring my camera out most of the day. In fact, it pained and frustrated me so much that I went on a rampage as soon as I got home….I shot nearly every day for two weeks to get it out of my system. I know I just need to get out of my little safe box but man, that first step is so painful. Thank you so much for this post. xo
Yes, it sounds like you learned a valuable lesson in Istanbul Emily. Let’s both try and stay out of that safe box!
Oh how I suffer at this. I’m getting better, but it still grips me. So far the worst that has happened is people offer to take the photos for me and that’s actually quite nice, so I’m not sure where the fear comes from. I’m getting better, but some days…
These pictures are just *amazing*. I’m so glad you went out there and did these! Wow, those flowers!
Thank you for the inspiration! I will get out there and do more!
Yes, it’s always funny when someone stops and asks to take my photo and I’m like, no thanks, I want to take it myself. I think they walk away saying hmmmm….(oh, but I don’t care about that, right?)
Fantastic fantastic fantastic. Love the images and the sentiment. Thanks for the reminder.
Many thanks Corinna for stopping by and for your comment 🙂
i decided this week in fact that i will do just this; throwing away the concern that has robbed me of moments gone. thank you for this post!
sounds like a great plan maria!!
I am in love with the colors echoing in your bottom 2 photos. It feels like watercolor bleeding through into your image. And the sentiment behind your post is well received today. People don’t really care all that much anyway, other than just plain curiosity.
Hey Angie! You’re right, in the end people don’t care, I just need to keep reminding myself of that 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by!
You are brilliant, Christy! I can’t wait to your images grow as your fear is overcome little by little. It’s going to be one amazing adventure!
Thanks lovely. xo
wow. how good for you. i’m so glad you are realizing this as i’m sure it will make your work even more amazing!
Cara, thanks friend!
Wow you never fail to inspire me. You know I just find your work incredible. These self portraits are beautiful,haunting and give a certain sense of longing. By the way,I have a new IG account, so I’ll be seeing more of your splendid work dear. Thank you as I often battle with that little voice in my head when out and feeling the itch to shoot. When I hear it I can now think of you!!
Hi Veronica! Thank you so much for your lovely comment!! I’ll be so happy to see you on IG again 🙂
Beautifully said, and you are SO right!! I was trying to get a self-portrait just right last week while I was sitting on a bench in front of a tree. Someone stopped and asked if I wanted her to take the photo of me. I just smiled, thanked her, and said no. I could tell from her words and expression that it hadn’t even occurred to her that I was taking a selfie. But more important, I didn’t feel self-conscious about being discovered in the act. 🙂
I love that you didn’t feel self-conscious! Well done. I’m aiming for that.
Thank you for handing out so much courage, Christy. This is lovely. I admit I’m a big chicken and fall into “I’m not good enough” trap. Half the time I feel like I should be passing out a business card to onlookers just to validate my photo behavior and get past the “who does she think she is” kind of stuff. This drive to create has sooo many facets and pathways and rabbit holes. You are an inspiration.
I don’t know why we constantly put ourselves down Kris. We ARE good enough!! Thanks for stopping by.
You! This fabulous. I love that you stepped out and listened to your creative voice. You let it speak louder then the fear voice, and the results are stunning.
Thanks darling Vanessa!!
Gorgeous photos! And, I would have never, ever guessed in a million years that you had that fear, Christy, so kudos to you for opening up and letting us know—I know I struggle with this and I’m not even taking pictures of myself! I’m just out and about and that nagging feeling of “what if someone…” begins to lurk. Sometimes I can overcome it, but many times I’ve let the photo go and not even tried…. B.
I do that too…let photos go without trying. Let’s make a deal to overcome that fear and not let it happen anymore! Thanks for coming by today Barbara 🙂
Christy, these are just fabulous. Your words resonated with me as it did with a lot of others I am sure! Fear, oh yes fear, wow does it every stop us from just being ourselves, trying new things etc. I am constantly trying to overcome the fear of shooting in public, I don’t know what it is but a voice inside of me asks what people will think of me. But at the end of the day, people are not going to care, they will look, be curious and at times stop for a moment to watch you… this battle with fear is a battle with ourselves and it is an ever constant challenge that I need to overcome. Thank you for these gorgeous photos, they lifted my spirits. xx
Tamar, thank you so much for stopping by. Seems like many of us are feeling the same way…we just need to quiet those voices in our heads!!
Fear stops me often enough, even though I’m starting to come out from under my security blanket a bit. I”m hoping to do more, see more and not let fear get in my way. Your portraits are amazing and always inspire me. I still think about us twirling like ballerinas and all you taught me in Palm Springs. xo love you miss you.
Lovely friend–we did have so much fun twirling in Palm Springs didn’t we? There was something about that trip that made me less self-conscious about shooting in public. I guess it was being 3000 miles from home and being surrounded by so many other amazing photographers that inspired me. Thanks for stopping by here today. xo
That is so brave. I know I would have a long way to go with personal bravery, or the lack thereof, before I got there. Such stunning images, so worth pushing through.
Thank you! I hope you are inspired to push through yourself sometime soon 🙂
Good for you, Christy, and these images are pure magic!
Lisa, thank you for stopping by!!
Finally someone wrote the perfect article about this topic!! I am fearless when it comes to public Stop. Drop. Shoot. But never wrote about it…this is a fantastic, well written article Christy. Thank you. I adore you. ( I used to scare alot of people when I was Public Planking!~ )
You are definitely fearless Deb. I need to channel a bit more of that from you. Thank you for your kind comment…and keep on planking girl!
and one more thing….I truly believe that in general, people love to watch an artist “at work” no matter what the medium is !!
Geez, Christy. Not only beautiful images, but a prompt to me to get OVER my fears. They are holding me back in so many ways. You are brave and awesome, my friend.
Thank you Kim. xo
Just what I needed to see today! Thank you so much!
You are welome Dianne! Thanks for stopping by.
Your images have always captivated me! I admire your bravery and love the results. Makes me want to fight my own fears about myself and my camera in public!
Debby, thank you. I hope this may help to push you along 🙂
Thank you so much for your words, I hope they will help me to overcome that fear.
Kerrie, thanks for stopping by, I am glad you liked it!
Christy, you’re awesome and strong and so is this post.
I’m far too shy in general about being noticed taking photos, of myself or anything else, but I’m slowly working my way out of it. As with anything else, this is much easier when I’m being deliberate about it, and this post is an excellent push in that direction – thank you!
Jenny, I think baby steps is the key to this. Let’s both agree to keep pushing forward!
Bravo for you, Christy! Such wonderful images. You are so right – folks don’t really care and are busy with their own concerns. And if anyone chooses to judge us…..well, too bad for them!
The more I shoot around people, the more comfortable I become. It’s no big deal.
If they choose to judge us, “too bad for them”–yes Anna, you are so right! I need to train that little voice inside my head to repeat that over and over 🙂