“I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.” — Dawna Markova
A few weeks ago I awoke and looked out my bedroom window to find the flowering tree next to my building had shed all of its tiny pink petals creating a thick pink carpet along the walk and stairway. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. I immediately thought how I wanted to grab my camera and take some self-portraits surrounded by this beautiful backdrop of nature. But my next thought was that of “fear”–what if the neighbors saw me? (there are a couple hundred other apartment windows looking down on this particular spot)…what if someone asked what I was doing?…what would they think of me rolling around in flower petals taking pictures of myself?
I’ve often had to fight this inner battle–the one where you constantly question yourself and wonder what other people will think of your actions. I hate that battle. I’m tired of it. So on that day I decided to quell my questioning mind and just do it.
And while I did see one neighbor looking out her window and another stopped to remark at how lovely the flowers looked, I didn’t let it get to me. I overcame the fear.
And I’m hoping to make this a trend. I was on the beach recently and again conquered my inner voices, taking several self-portraits…lying in the sand, standing by the water…running back and forth from the tripod, twirling and spinning with abandon. And yes, people were watching me. Some walked on by, some stopped momentarily, and one young girl even snapped her own photo of me (she tried to be sneaky about it, but I know all the tricks!). But no one laughed or pointed or bothered to ask me what I was doing. Because in the end it doesn’t matter, people really don’t care, no matter how that voice inside my head tries to convince me otherwise. In the end we just have to do what makes us happy. Otherwise, it’s just going to pass us by.
Have you conquered any fears (photography related, or otherwise) lately?
~Christy | Urban Muser