“There is no set path…simply follow your heart.” ~ Author unknown
We’ve been talking a lot about dreams this month and it got me thinking…maybe it’s time I share a little secret with you all. I’ve never written about this before and I don’t talk about it much “in real life” either. But I couldn’t think of a better time to do it–what, with the “dream” theme on the blog this month. So what’s my big reveal? I’m sharing a little piece of my journey through infertility.
And as I write this I know for a fact that it will resonate very deeply with some of you. Because there are so many women who struggle to get pregnant but we just don’t talk about it very often. Not because we’re embarrassed by it (at least, I’m not) but just because it’s so painful, and often misunderstood.
Shortly after my husband and I started to try to have a baby I picked up my camera for the first time in a long time. And over the years of ups and downs I found photography, and especially self-portraiture, to be a healer of sorts. A way to express the emotions of my struggle to get pregnant without the need to use words.
Whether it be loss and despair…
Perseverance…
When the world says: “give up,” hope whispers, “try it one more time.” ~Author unknown
Hope…
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all. ~Emily Dickinson
Please, please, please
Let me
Let me
Let me
Let me, get what I want this time. -The Smiths
Or loneliness…
My journey came with the feeling of a complete loss of control and a lot of questions–is there an end in sight? why is this happening to us? I cried many tears but through it all never let go of the dream. And along the way I learned a LOT. About myself, my marriage, my inner strength, and my ability to cope with life’s challenges.
And most importantly I learned to never give up, even when the dream changes.
I didn’t foresee the process taking almost 4 years. I didn’t want to cycle through tons of doctors, struggling with painful shots, medications and scary procedures. I didn’t intend to be over 40 when I finally was able to maintain a viable pregnancy. But here I am. My little girl is due in January and I just know that she is the baby we were supposed to have all along. It didn’t happen the way I planned or wanted, but the dream is finally coming true.
So I guess now it’s time for a self-portrait of a different kind…
Wishing that all your dreams come true, no matter how long it takes you to get there.
-Christy | Urban Muser
9/25/13, Edited to add: I am overwhelmed by the response to this post both here and on Facebook and I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words. I was on the fence about whether I would write this story, but in reading your comments I have been assured that it was the right decision. Your words brought tears to my eyes and I am amazed by the outpouring of love and support from this online community. Just, wow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
that is so fantastic, I am so happy for you! a million congratulations to you xxx justine
How wonderful!
Christy, what a powerful post – thank goodness there are noe one else at work yet to see me tearing up 🙂 I’m so happy for you, and best of luck in this new phase of your life!
Oh my. You made me cry and laugh while reading your blogpost. THank you for sharing and congratulations with this wonderful news. What a wonderful mama you will be!
Beautiful post and huge congratulations on your fabulous news. x
Congrats Christy!! Such a wonderful way to tell your story in pictures. Best of health and happiness on your journey of motherhood!!
Really lovely post! Congratulations!
So very happy for you. This has brought a tear of happiness to my eyes. So many good wishes to you as you begin this new part of your journey.
Lynn
oh, so wonderful christy! i’m thrilled for you, and look forward to seeing your self portraits with baby in arms. xo
This is the most beautiful post every Christy! I love every one of those images and love that you are sharing your story. and WOOT! WOOT! So excited for you!!!! xoxoxo
Christy ~ Congrats, again 🙂 I’m so, so happy for you! Little girls rock and you will love raising that sweet gal. Looking forward to seeing your journey into parenthood and it’s path, through your amazing photos!!! xo
Oh, so happy for you! What an awesome ending to the journey. Blessings to you and your little one 🙂
Yes, yes, yes!
Such wonderfully happy news!
xox
I am in tears of joy over here. Congratulations friend. I hope motherhood is everything you’ve dreamed of. Little girls are wonderful. Much love, Ashley
I am so so so so so so so happy for you!!!!!!! Biggest hugs!!
Huge congrats! Oh what a journey you’ve had, but now a bigger one is beginning!
Your images have always struck deep emotions and thoughts with me, I have enjoyed them so much and they have given me a lot of inspiration.
Much love to you and the little one! xo
So happy for you! What a beautiful post….congratulations!
Tears of joy.
Sending love, patience, healing and oh so much joy.
I have chills and goosebumps up and down my limbs. I’m so thrilled for you. I have another friend who went through what you experienced and she should be having her baby any day now! Lots of warm wishes to you and your growing family.
congrats, my eyes are full of joyful tears, so very thrilled for you, thank you for sharing your journey.
Oh Christy…I am SO happy for you!!!
so happy for you and I love the way you told the story with photos in this post. Sending you good energy, love and peace
How wonderful! And thank you so so very much for sharing this part of your dream with us all. Your vulnerability is matched and exceeded by your strength. I’m so excited for you, and can’t wait for us all to be able to meet your little one! Congratulations!
What an amazing person you are! I concur with Kendra- your images have been awe inspiring to me and this story you’ve courageously lived through is breath taking. Congratulations to your dreams coming true. xx
As a fellow rider of the infertility rollercoaster, I’m so glad to hear this news for you! Many happinesses to you and your husband!
So so excited for you. Congratulations and best wishes.
Such a beautiful and honest post. Thanks for sharing your journey with us, Christy. And many congratulations and much love!!!
Oh, Christy! I knew a little bit about your journey to have a baby just by the self portraits and the quotes you would share. I saw the sadness behind your lens. And now this happy news!!! My heart feels so full for you. Congratulations! I am so happy for you.
You just gave me chills, Christy. I am beyond thrilled for you and your husband (a girl!!), and full of awe that your path led you to create such beautiful pieces of art. And now I have even more reason to come visit again. 🙂
saw this through vanessa simpson. i cried all over again remembering my journey of the same kind. my boy (baby chop) is six now and i am so thankful for each day with him, my miracle.
lovely post.
truly love. xo
oh, i have tears of joy! congratulations, christy.
Such a moving and touching post ! As women it reaches to our emotional core. Tears of joy for you too Christy, so happy for you that a wonderful new journey begins xxx
Thanks for sharing – I can relate very closely to your journey
This gave me chills! So happy for you!
such a beautiful post, sending you the hugest congratulations and wishing you so much happiness!!
I am absolutely thrilled for you and your husband! I hope sharing your story and photographs has helped to lighten the weight on your shoulders. You have so many cheerleaders, all wishing the deepest happiness for you! Congratulations!
Congratulations!!! So beautifully worded, I’m thrilled for you
Beautiful post. Eat well. eat well, eat well again. Love to you and yours.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post. So happy for you!!
xoxoxo
so so so happy for you!!!
Oh Christy!! This is such an emotional and deeply personal, beautiful post! Sending you my utmost heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS!!!! XOXOXO
Congratulations! SO excited for you!
Many congratulations to you Christy. Such a powerful story full of hope. I’m glad this has a happy ending for you. What a lucky little girl to have you for a mom.
This made me cry… what a beautiful reveal!
This is such wonderful news and such a moving post… take care of yourself on this journey. I look forward to seeing how beautifully you capture it. x.
Oh Christy, this makes me so happy to read!!! Congratulations!
That is FABULOUS news! I am so, so happy for you.
That is freakin’ fantastic, Christy! xo
Oh, this brought tears to my eyes. First, for the losses you’ve suffered and then, again, for the joy your are experiencing. Congratulations and I am so happy for you!
I loved you before, I love you more now. Just this morning I was driving to work repeating over and over, never give up. Something different but still. Your images are pure magic. I like that we are the same age. Best wishes to you mama! xo Tracie
Fantastic news! Congratulations. Your message to others is powerful and reminds us to patiently keep working towards our dreams. Soo happy for you. best wishes, Dee
Fantastic news! Congratulations to you and your growing family. Very uplifting series. I’m glad photography helped you work through the challenges and get to the other side. I can’t wait to see how your work grows along with your child.
Christy ~
A joy beyond words is flooding throughout me for you. Holding you and she and your he in my heart. ox
OMG CHRISTY!!!
So happy for you. And sad too that you had to go through so much to get here … but you got here!
I have to say, I always wondered what was behind some of your photos. So raw and full of emotion. And now that I see, they are just that much more utterly fantastic.
YOU are utterly fantastic.
Congratulations!!!
Oh so fab! I desperately wanted to be a mom and struggled for years. I am now the mom of 2 teens! Congrats!
Oh, happily, happily sending love and hugs to you! Congratulations!!
Oh Christy I am over joyed for you. I have been thinking about you lately wonder what is up with that girl, I have been missing you on IG. Well, looking back on the collection of photos I can clearly see the journey! You in the fetal position? How did I miss that!?
Best of luck, its the hardest job you will ever LOVE!
Oh Christy…~CONGRATULATIONS !!~ your news and story has been so beautifully expressed here. I am moved to joyful tears….so happy for you and your husband and baby daughter!!!
Continued blessings Christy! xO
I am smiling big and crying so hard at the same time!!!!!!! I am so touched by your story, your incredible shots and that deeply embedded woman-ness that allows me to share in your so-long longing. I never had a child but I think Carl and I would have if we had met earlier. I would have loved that. God bless you!!!! xxxooo
I am overwhelmed by the response to this post both here and on Facebook and I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words. I was on the fence about whether I would write this story, but in reading your comments I have been assured that it was the right decision. Your words brought tears to my eyes and I am amazed by the outpouring of love and support from this online community. Just, wow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. xo Christy
Bless your beautiful heart! You had my ears starting to well up with tears midway through and in full river mode by your last image. Congrats to you!!! <3
Oh, Bella. I am so happy for you. Good thing you didn’t give up on your dream. Your tummy photo is wonderful.
This is what it’s all about…that this medium has the power to do this. Thank you for such a moving and powerful article.
Wow. First of all, I am very happy for you!! Secondly. I totally understand, because I am 41 and going through a similar experience right now. Thank you for sharing. It has been the loneliest and most painful time of my life. 🙁