I first met Linda at one of our epic Flickr meetups in NYC back in 2011 (gosh, was it that long ago?!) I was drawn to her warm personality and her beautiful work and I’ve followed her ever since. About a month ago Linda wrote a post on her Facebook page that resonated with me so I asked her if she would expand on the thoughts in that post and be a guest here at Mortal Muses today. Linda, you’re an inspiration, and thank you for opening up and sharing this with us here today. LOVE the new tattoo!
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This past year has been a very interesting one for me—it has forced me to look at myself harder than I ever have before and to really learn things about myself that I never knew were possible. I had written a bit about this on Facebook and Christy asked me if I would write about it here and I am honoured and happy to do so.
For a variety of reasons best shared with a couple of glasses of a really good dry, red wine and a killer chocolate cake, I found myself at a big crossroads in my life and I took some time to sort things through. I got some great help and joined a program for depressed people that gave me some fabulous life tools to shift the way I perceived things, dealt with problems and interacted with others, and, most importantly, to make a major change in how I viewed myself. As I am sure you all know, all of this change takes time and practice but I am happy to say that when I start to hear my old tapes I am also hearing a “wait a minute.”
When I wrote on Facebook, I began by saying that what I was about to write was something that I wished someone had told me when I was younger—that just because someone is older does not mean they are “done” and by that I mean, that they know themselves and are very comfortable in their own skin. And it may be true for some people but I am beginning to believe, from my own experience and that of people I know, that it aint over until it’s over—we are always learning about ourselves and, hopefully, we get to that place were we love ourselves and can be good to ourselves. I am on this path. I doubt I will ever be done, but I am so much better off than I have ever been in my life. I also believe that there have been some good mentors in my life that I was not ready to hear—but I hear them now!!! And I am thankful for them!! It is always a good thing for us to be encouraging to others—you never know when those kind, helpful words will hit them and, perhaps, make all the difference!
So I have these tapes that play in my head—old, long, hurtful and mean tapes. And when I am faced with some problems, those are the first things I hear—the tapes that say I am stupid, that I can’t learn, that I just ought to quit, that I am just not good enough. I fight this daily. But lately there is a quiet voice that tells me to wait, think about this. It is a kind and loving voice, the kind of voice I would use with someone I love. And, guess what? I really am starting to love me!
What got that Facebook post started was this: I had been reading about Holly, Kirstin and Nikki’s experience with trying out Replichrome II: Slide Film here on Mortal Muses. In reading about their experience – my first reaction – “I don’t know how to do that. I SHOULD know how to do that. I am stupid. Here are yet another set of presets that I can’t use because I still don’t know how to use Lightroom!” This was said to myself in a very mean tone. A tone that was so unnecessary and unkind. Then, so very quickly I thought “you don’t know how to do that NOW, you CAN learn how to do that if you want.” Very loving words to MYSELF!!! Wow, that is progress! I don’t know how to use Lightroom partly because I am afraid of failure. Because deep inside me is that kid who keeps listening to those tapes and believes them. I have to wake up that kid!
So I spoke to myself like I mattered, like I am enough and I was so happy that I had to write that post to share with anyone who wanted to listen, anyone who might be broken, that it doesn’t have to stay the same, we don’t have to continue to berate ourselves and we don’t have to think that just because we are a certain age that we are “done.” We can turn it around! It’s never too late to be a good friend to yourself!
Christy also asked me to include some pictures and I wasn’t sure what I was going to attach except I knew I wanted to include my picture of my new tattoo which I got while I was going through this upheaval. I decided I would do a photo shoot of me because I have, in the last few years, come to terms with what I look like. This is me. I have been heavier and I am losing weight still but I am “ample.” It’s me. And I am just fine. It’s my goofy face, my jiggly arms, my silly grin. It’s me. And me is good.
And, if I could, I would like to end on this note:
Be kind to yourself, be patient, you will find your answers. Love who you are right now—even if right now isn’t a place you want to be—you will always be you—start to appreciate yourself! You will feel so much better! And do not compare yourself to others. You are on your own special road. Be well my fellow travelers and know your path is a good one.
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You can find more of Linda and her work on Facebook and Flickr.
Thanks again Linda!
~Christy
I love your Flickr photos and I’m sure I’ve seen you before, possibly through Staci or Tracie’s Facebook or Flickr. Anyway this is a wonderful post and I think we all need to be a little kinder to ourselves. We are the only special versions of ourselves and we’re only here once. Thank you for sharing this. 🙂 xo
PS: Were you in the NOW YOU workshops?
You are brave, smart, beautiful, funny, and oh so talented. Loved meeting you in Hartford and hope we get to meet again soon sweet Linda. love! xxoo
I am so happy to hear you are learning to love you too. — the rest of us already do! Those tapes in our head are ridiculous, aren’t they? So glad you are learning how to use your rewind button! These photos are fantastic and illustrate your story beautifully. The shoe one makes me smile 🙂
your words resonate a lot with me, Linda. I think we all have in our minds our old hurtful, mean tapes. the way in which you describe how you’re saying “wait a minute” to them is very inspiring. as your kind beautiful portraits. wishing you to keep walking on this path of kindness,
xo Marina
Beautiful, Linda, just beautiful!
What a beautiful post Linda. Every word was important and so true. I am willing to guess many of us say those unkind words to ourselves, and how sad is that. I know I”m often saying thing about myself that probably no one else would ever say.
So thank you so much… I am going to try to be more aware of doing this, and change that tape.
xxxx
Oh Linda, thank you so much for sharing your words and you self-portraits with us. Beautiful. All the way around.
Thank you all for your kind words!!! I am so honoured to be here and I thank you, Christy, for asking me!!!! xxxooo
I love you, Linda. x
brave, inspiring and beautiful…
Love, love, love this and love you! xx
Reading your kind words about you has made me very very happy. Loved it all, Linda!
and may I just say. “I love you to the moon and back” xo
What a beautiful and honest post. Thank you for sharing Linda and I super love your new tattoo. Grace… Is so very good.
love you friend xx
What a beautiful post and a wonderful message 🙂
Love Linda! So inspired by her all the time. Happy to see her here!
i just adore you, linda.
and your post was very timely for me.
i’m so glad you are on this path. you deserve all the love you give yourself and then some. xo
Such an inspiring post and what a strong woman you are dear Linda x
Sending big hugs! xo
What a loving gesture to yourself in sharing your struggles. We all have those days and sometimes they turn into weeks and even years. I have always been drawn to your work and often thought to myself, does she know, I mean REALLY know how TALENTED she is? I think the post process can be a joy suck anyway but I understand it can also breathe new life into some photos. I love Lr, I started with it when it first came out. And let me tell you it, its not hard to learn at all! Heck I am still earning with every update. I love my VSCO 4. This post is making me want to come over and give you a lesson in Lr, I know when I show you my workflow, you’ll say to yourself, are you kidding me I was afraid of this?! Not kidding, there are no mysteries with this program like CS, and guess where I am landing a week from today? Bawston. We could plan an afternoon of kitties and Lr.
This is so beautiful… your words, your journey, you. Thank you for sharing this Linda. x
I have ALWAYS loved you, Linda – your images, and your words!
Thank you for sharing this post with us…I definitely need a reminder to be a friend to myself.
I love your work Linda and love you xoxo
I have been walking on cloud nine all day long and I am so very blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!!!! Words fail me…. my heart is so very touched and I am humbled…. thank you so very much!!! xxxooo
Beyond wonderful Linda!!
LOVE you soo much!
Beautiful post, Linda — just like you!
oh, linda, i love this post… i’m so glad i snuck over to MM today… it’s not something i always do! that mindshift is so important and takes such incredible practice. i’ve started to see that in my own life. and your tatoo? i’ve said it before, but if i got another tattoo, it would be this word… maybe even “grace upon grace”. what a fabulous reminder. xo
i love you love you love you Linda. thank you for sharing so much with us. so much of yourself, so much love and support.
Such an inspiring post Linda. LR scared me at first, but if I can get to grips with it, you certainly can! x